Wednesday, February 24, 2010

你赢了

今天跟3Xin去打bowling,
本来是讲去发泄,
但发泄不到,
保龄球太重了。

我假装很伤心,
仔细想一想,
其实我并不难过,
白让你们安慰,
不好意思。

我只是愤怒,
为什么我们没有话题,
我只是嫉妒,
为何你的笑容只在别人面前出现,
我只是不爽,
你老是瞒着我一些事情,
我只是嫉恨,
我的讯息一去永不回。

你上课可以不理我,
当作你不想看到我,
但请你想个办法给我个理由。

你不爱说话,
但请你回我的message,
至少让我觉得,
你还有想沟通的念头。

我活了十六年,
我从来不必担心,
我明天上学要准备什么话题来聊,

我做人做了十六年,
从来不用去问别人,
要怎样跟一个特定的人相处,

我当朋友当了十六年,
从来不用为了了解另一个朋友,
扮到整个间谍酱,
上网查东查西地,
就为了了解你的内心世界,

我看戏看了十六年,
从来都没有看过酱复杂的剧情,
平日无言,一时狂言,
好像在从我脑中挖料,
又必须非常照顾你的感受,

这一切你都办到了,
恭喜你,你赢了。

你问过我要不要坐你隔壁,
我说了“我愿意”,
不好意思我该收回去了。

我问过你我们会不会没有话题,
你说过“不会的啦”,
不好意思请你收回去。

我问过你要如何对你才不会被扣分,
你说过“顺期自然啦”
不好意思也请你收回去,
实在太不自然了。

你在你心中扣我的分数的最大原因是什么,
我已不想知道了,
因为我不知道你说的还有什么是我可以信的。

你说你没有不爽我,
但你看我的眼神根本就像是在看着一个陌生人。

不知何时开始,
我会在换节时,
想比你更快离开位子,
因为我不想一而再,再而三被你抛下。

当我向别人提起我们的问题,
别人都说你是因为觉得我喜欢你而逃避我,
但我要说清楚,我并没有。

如果他们说的是对的,
请不要告诉我你终于知道这只是个误会,
因为你应该知道我不是那种只看外表的人,
而你也从不跟我分享你的内心。
若你道歉,
只能说你更不在乎,
因为这一个月多的时间,
你根本就没有想过我是个怎样的人才去误会我。

我已经没有办法再为难自己,
去换取你那贵重如金的一字一句一笑。
我没有要你难过,
我只是不要我难过。

听到你的名字,
在我脑海里出现的是从前那个,
快乐,懂得祝福,懂得礼貌,懂得顾虑别人的小女生。
不管是你变了还是我看错了,
先在的你我已不在乎了。

你有没有在看这个post我不知道,
但请那些知道我在讲谁的去暗示他一下,
也请大家不要在大庭广众谈论这个post,
不想让太多人对他指指点点的。

fin~

14 comments:

  1. 可以copy这篇东西去投稿了,好诗

    ReplyDelete
  2. hm, well, u also moody mah.
    sometimes moddy no need to show to everyone one.
    if not u lagi moody.
    apahal u want moody so long. T^T
    boh bian lor.
    cheer up lah sei zhai!

    ReplyDelete
  3. this i called "make something clear" lah. not moody.

    ReplyDelete
  4. 写完了,有没有觉得自己赢了??

    ReplyDelete
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